I've been dealing with some disappointment the last few days. I've had worsening muscle weakness, mostly concentrated in my shoulders. Emily believes the new herb she added into my treatment has reached spots where the lyme was hiding - primarily my neck, shoulders and jaw. These are all areas I haven't previously had many issues with. Since starting the new herb in the beginning of January, I get extreme tightness in my shoulder and neck muscles, and aching pain in my jaw. Sometimes (like today) my jaw gets tired just chewing my food. My shoulder muscles burn just by lifting my arms even a little bit; sometimes they burn even if I'm not using my arms at all. Pain meds don't help, so I'm trying to use the hot tub as much as I can.
Emily asked me to take a few days off from doing yoga to give my muscles a break. I felt off without my daily yoga so after two days, I decided to add it back in but I'm careful to keep it very low-impact. I also went to Pound Monday night (it had been two weeks since the last class) and I had an awesome time, but I somehow hurt my shoulder and can tell my muscles are really struggling to recover. That's where the disappointment comes in - I quickly realized there's no way my body is ready this year to do the certified Pound instructor training. I'm really discouraged. I've seen so many of my plans, goals and dreams get shot down or put on hold over the last few years. I know it's not my fault, but it still makes me feel like a failure. I know I need to work on cultivating patience and giving myself grace. It's just difficult when you feel like part of your life is on hold indefinitely.
I like to have goals to work toward, so my challenge right now is finding goals I can reach this year that don't necessarily rely on my physical health. Right now, I feel a bit directionless without any current goals. I'm still burned out from the holiday season with my embroidery, so I haven't done much with it. I've been weaving, which I love, but somehow I'm feeling I need more. More of what? I'm not quite sure. More purpose, more creative outlets, maybe? I'm ready for the winter to be over, that's for sure. I wish I could hibernate.
Emily asked me to take a few days off from doing yoga to give my muscles a break. I felt off without my daily yoga so after two days, I decided to add it back in but I'm careful to keep it very low-impact. I also went to Pound Monday night (it had been two weeks since the last class) and I had an awesome time, but I somehow hurt my shoulder and can tell my muscles are really struggling to recover. That's where the disappointment comes in - I quickly realized there's no way my body is ready this year to do the certified Pound instructor training. I'm really discouraged. I've seen so many of my plans, goals and dreams get shot down or put on hold over the last few years. I know it's not my fault, but it still makes me feel like a failure. I know I need to work on cultivating patience and giving myself grace. It's just difficult when you feel like part of your life is on hold indefinitely.
I like to have goals to work toward, so my challenge right now is finding goals I can reach this year that don't necessarily rely on my physical health. Right now, I feel a bit directionless without any current goals. I'm still burned out from the holiday season with my embroidery, so I haven't done much with it. I've been weaving, which I love, but somehow I'm feeling I need more. More of what? I'm not quite sure. More purpose, more creative outlets, maybe? I'm ready for the winter to be over, that's for sure. I wish I could hibernate.
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