I'm in the midst of an anxiety & depression fog. Emotional symptoms are quite common with Bartonella; everything from anxiety to rage and everything in between. Typically they come on suddenly with no warning. Yesterday afternoon was when it hit, and I have been struggling ever since. It doesn't matter if you know they are a symptom or not, they are still real emotions and affect you in the same way. I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety with a touch of depression. I just want to sit and cry. It doesn't help that having all these health issues is cause for concern as it is, never mind when the Bart-induced anxiety kicks in. I feel overwhelmed and hopeless. I feel like I will never be healed. I feel like I am trapped and no one can help me. This is a completely 180 from how I felt only two days ago. I took my kids to the fair, and besides some joint pain, I felt pretty normal. It just goes to show how quickly things can change.
What causes the most frustration for me is the fact that there is really nothing that can show me if treatment is working. Normally, when you get sick, you go to the doctor. They prescribe you some medication. As you start taking it, you slowly begin to feel better, so you know the medicine is working. Well, that isn't how it works with Lyme and co-infections. Often you feel worse, but usually, it feels very "one step forward, two steps back." You may think you've turned a corner, and then BAM! You're down again. That's why so many of us have a hard time even enjoying the good days, because we never know what tomorrow might bring.
I've been really frustrated with my LLMD. Her office is 1 1/2 hours away, so I only see her every few months (I have my second appointment at the end of this month) We keep in touch through the patient portal online, and through phone calls to the nurses. They just seem to drop the ball with things. I've been trying to get my husband's prescription filled for over a week now, it already ran out and I can't seem to get anyone to call me back or refill it, even though Tuesday I spoke to a nurse who said she would make sure it gets refilled. I hate to keep calling, but as they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Unfortunately switching to a new doctor isn't so simple. Most LLMD's don't take insurance and there is no way I can afford that. And overall, I am happy when I am at my appointment, everyone is kind and helpful and attentive. I just hate having to call reception because none of the nurses will call me back.
What causes the most frustration for me is the fact that there is really nothing that can show me if treatment is working. Normally, when you get sick, you go to the doctor. They prescribe you some medication. As you start taking it, you slowly begin to feel better, so you know the medicine is working. Well, that isn't how it works with Lyme and co-infections. Often you feel worse, but usually, it feels very "one step forward, two steps back." You may think you've turned a corner, and then BAM! You're down again. That's why so many of us have a hard time even enjoying the good days, because we never know what tomorrow might bring.
I've been really frustrated with my LLMD. Her office is 1 1/2 hours away, so I only see her every few months (I have my second appointment at the end of this month) We keep in touch through the patient portal online, and through phone calls to the nurses. They just seem to drop the ball with things. I've been trying to get my husband's prescription filled for over a week now, it already ran out and I can't seem to get anyone to call me back or refill it, even though Tuesday I spoke to a nurse who said she would make sure it gets refilled. I hate to keep calling, but as they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Unfortunately switching to a new doctor isn't so simple. Most LLMD's don't take insurance and there is no way I can afford that. And overall, I am happy when I am at my appointment, everyone is kind and helpful and attentive. I just hate having to call reception because none of the nurses will call me back.
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