I realized today that it's been over two months since I last updated. I created this blog as a way to keep track of my healing journey, so I don't write with the expectation that it will be read by many. But I still try to update regularly and be transparent about what I'm going through.
The last month-and-a-half has been incredibly stressful. At the very end of October, I had my first appointment with my new primary care doctor. Ever since what I went through with trying to get diagnosed with Lyme, I have struggled with trust issues with doctors. It took a few months to make the appointment because of that fear and anxiety, but I started having symptoms I felt were indicative of a thyroid issue or hormonal imbalance. I went to a doctor I had heard good things about, who is an MD but also very naturally-minded. I handled the visit well, and absolutely loved my new doctor, she was very knowledgable about Lyme and eager to hear my entire story from the time I started getting symptoms until now. She referred me to a cardiologist to get my heart stuff checked out, and also wanted me to get a breast ultrasound because of some pain/tenderness that I began getting before my period. This, in my opinion, was due to a hormone imbalance caused by intermittent fasting because it showed up shortly after I began IF, but because it was only in one breast, they wanted to check on it. She also did some blood work, and scheduled for me to come back in 3 weeks.
I went to the cardiologist and really loved him. I need to be involved in every part of my health, so I appreciate doctors who welcome that, answer questions and explain things thoroughly. I had an EKG, we talked about my (benign) heart murmur. We scheduled an ultrasound for a few weeks later, and a follow-up a week after that for my results.
I returned to my new PCP's office to find out the results of my bloodwork. I ended up seeing a different provider, which put me on edge because I had been relieved to meet my doctor I was comfortable with. This threw me out of my comfort zone and back into anxious mode, but I relaxed the best I could. She began to talk about the results of my blood work. My thyroid and hormones are totally normal, which is frustrating because that gives me no answers. My B-vitamins are low, as is my vitamin D and iron. But, not nearly as low as they used to be, and I haven't supplemented them in a long time so that shows that my body is doing a better job holding on to vitamins. The doctor was focused on the fact that my rheumatoid factor was high and my ANA was positive. I had explained to the original doctor that my rheumatoid factor is ALWAYS high, and yes, I did see a rheumatologist who was certain I did not have rheumatoid arthritis. My ANA also alternates between positive and negative ever since I've been sick. I do not have RA, and I know I don't. I don't even have joint pain anymore; it would not have gotten better with treatment for Lyme if it was due to RA. But this doctor and her assistant kept pushing it, and even asked if I would be willing to see another rheumatologist. I told her absolutely not, and explained that it was hard enough to come to this office because of my trust issues and anxiety. Plus, even if they tried to say I have RA, I will not go on any of the meds for it. So what's the point? She wasn't rude or negative but I could tell she thought I was in denial. It was really upsetting for me. The entire visit brought up some deep emotions that sent me into a dark spiral and put me into a really bad place. It made me realize how traumatic it was when I first got sick to not be listened to or believed by the doctors who were supposed to help me. It took a few days to process everything and begin to pull myself out of it, but it definitely showed a big area that is badly in need of healing.
The last month-and-a-half has been incredibly stressful. At the very end of October, I had my first appointment with my new primary care doctor. Ever since what I went through with trying to get diagnosed with Lyme, I have struggled with trust issues with doctors. It took a few months to make the appointment because of that fear and anxiety, but I started having symptoms I felt were indicative of a thyroid issue or hormonal imbalance. I went to a doctor I had heard good things about, who is an MD but also very naturally-minded. I handled the visit well, and absolutely loved my new doctor, she was very knowledgable about Lyme and eager to hear my entire story from the time I started getting symptoms until now. She referred me to a cardiologist to get my heart stuff checked out, and also wanted me to get a breast ultrasound because of some pain/tenderness that I began getting before my period. This, in my opinion, was due to a hormone imbalance caused by intermittent fasting because it showed up shortly after I began IF, but because it was only in one breast, they wanted to check on it. She also did some blood work, and scheduled for me to come back in 3 weeks.
I went to the cardiologist and really loved him. I need to be involved in every part of my health, so I appreciate doctors who welcome that, answer questions and explain things thoroughly. I had an EKG, we talked about my (benign) heart murmur. We scheduled an ultrasound for a few weeks later, and a follow-up a week after that for my results.
The day before my breast ultrasound, my PCP's office called and said the hospital I had scheduled the ultrasound with had a policy that I needed to get a mammogram first. I wasn't thrilled about this, but what could I do? So the day before Thanksgiving I went in at 9:30 for a mammogram before my ultrasound at 10am. The mammogram was going fine, she only had one more thing to do. I started to feel this weird, lightheaded ringing feeling in my head that only happens when I'm about to pass out. I sat down and drank some water, and then stood up for the last mammogram. It was hot, and I was anxious. The last thing I remember was staring at a framed picture on the wall while waiting for the machine to finish, and the next thing I know I'm confused, opening my eyes to a pool of blood in front of me on the floor. Yup, I passed out at the end of my mammogram. Not only did I pass out, but I busted my eyebrow open on the floor. The blood was from my head and nose. And then the headache hit hard, so hard I couldn't open my eyes. Thankfully, the ER is right next to imaging so by the time I was coming to, there were already nurses there helping me. I was wheeled into the ER, and repeatedly told that I had a bad cut on my head. They kept asking me questions and I believe I answered them correctly. I asked for pain meds at least 4 times. Once I got them, the doctor spent quite a while carefully stitching my head/eyebrow closed with 25 tiny stitches. Justin got there just as he was finishing up. They had me do a CT scan, and apparently saw a little something (that was already there) that they don't think is anything to be worried about but want me to get a non-emergent MRI follow-up. Needless to say, I didn't get the breast ultrasound done that day.
The few days after were tough. The drive home from the hospital I looked in the visor mirror and cried the whole way home. The next day the bruising showed up, but I was still able to enjoy Thanksgiving. Friday I woke up extremely swollen, above and below both eyes. I looked deformed, it was awful. Saturday was bad too, but luckily that was the peak. I had my stitches taken out a week later, and so far healing has gone well. For a while my body felt fragile; I had to rest often and generally felt very worn out. The good news was, the hospital was able to squeeze me in a week after my "incident" to do my breast ultrasound. That night, the nurse called to let me know both my mammogram and ultrasound came back clear, so that was a HUGE relief.
Two weeks after my ER visit, Justin had his own visit, for a kidney stone. It was absolutely horrible but thankfully it passed quickly. The day after, he felt good enough to accompany me to my cardiologist with the results of my heart ultrasound. Everything looks great! I had also lost weight since my last appointment which was a bonus. We talked about vasovagal syncopee (which is what causes my fainting) and how I can prevent it from happening when I feel it coming on. It was very helpful seeing as I almost passed out again randomly last week, but was able to avoid it.
During this entire time, I had AWFUL anxiety. I know the stress of all the different appointments and tests was a huge part of it, but a lot of it also seemed to be physical. Even if my mind was relaxing my body was constantly on edge. I cannot even express how much I loathe anxiety. It makes it hard to even function. Things that usually aren't a big deal feel like the end of the world. The only relief is sleep.
After all my tests came back clear, I decided to start paying attention to what my body needed. I started back on probiotics, began a nightly yoga ritual, and canceled basically everything I could possibly cancel between now and Christmas. I've been spending as much time at home as possible and going to bed really early some nights. The anxiety began to ease last weekend. I'm feeling more like myself which is a relief. Today I had my first follow-up consult with my herbalist since she went on maternity leave in August. Despite the craziness of what has been going on lately, I've been doing pretty well with Lyme stuff. My only real symptoms are intermittent: air hunger, stiffness in my hands, and pain/weakness in my shoulders. She is going to change some of my core support herbs, and starting in January wants me to start reducing my antimicrobials. Instead of 3 droppers 3x a day, I'll do 2 droppers 3x a day. Part of me is excited because this is the beginning of remission, but another part of me knows healing isn't linear and sometimes the journey is two steps forward, one step back. There's nothing to lose - if symptoms begin to come back, we know I'm not ready to come off of them just yet, which is totally okay. But if I do well, we will continue to lower them until I am off of them and in remission. It's so close, and it's been hard to be patient. Someone said it's like losing weight - the last 10 lbs are the hardest to lose. Going from 90% better to remission has taken longer than I expected. But I know even now, I'm learning and growing from my journey.
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