Remembering Christmas

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

December has been a rough month for me. We were very busy, which often overwhelms me, I was pulling late nights every night to work on orders for my business, and I haven't been as strict about my healthy eating habits. It was a simple equation: lack of sleep + non-healthy eating + stress = flare. It started on December 9th, peaked for a couple days and slowly got better, just in time to hit the full moon. Not all full moons bother me, but this one did - so I had a dose of anxiety, heart stuff, and insomnia. I'm so, so thankful that I felt great for Christmas, and so far today seem to be doing better as well. I remember feeling awful last Christmas, so I went back and read my blog entry from two days after Christmas.

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December 27, 2017
Tonight I had one of those bouts of crying because I'm just so sick of being sick. This has been a long stretch of feeling terrible...at least 6 weeks. I don't have a lot of pain, but I just feel like crap. No motivation, lots of anxiety & depression. I don't want to leave the house, not finding joy in the things that usually make me happy. I feel like a sub-par version of myself. I'm hoping good days are coming soon, but even when I'm feeling good, the whole time I just feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because it never lasts. This last time I was feeling good lasted almost two months. I really had thought I'd turned a corner and that the worst was over. I feel so disappointed, and stupid for believing things could be getting better. 
...Lately my oldest has been reminding me of traditions we didn't do this Christmas season. I feel so guilty, but I just can't do all the things I used to do. I see all these moms taking their kids out to do fun things, and I can barely take care of things at home. I know I've only been treating for 6 months, but I've been sick for 3 years. I honestly don't remember what it's like to feel completely normal. 
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What a difference a year makes! I'm looking forward to reflecting on 2018 this week, and will be writing about those reflections soon. I hope all my friends had a very blessed Christmas day.