Refuse to sink - My journey battling Lyme disease

My annual tradition is to use the last few days of the year to reflect on the passed year, and put into place goals for the coming year. At the close of 2017, I promised to focus my energy on doing what's best for myself and my body in 2018, and overall I am extremely happy and thankful for how this year went. Physical health... I went into 2018 still on several antibiotics and pills, which got me to about 70% better. In June, I made the decision to get off of all antibiotics and switch to seeing an herbalist and treating with herbs. It was truly one of the best decisions I've ever made, though a bit scary. I met with Emily at the beginning of July. By November, I considered myself 90% better. Unfortunately, December has been a highly stressful month, and I've regressed and flared a bit. But I'm staying positive and moving forward, remembering that healing isn't linear. I've continued to lower my thyroid meds, and hope to soon have my hypothyroidism comple...

I hope everyone had a great Christmas! December has been a rough month for me. We were very busy, which often overwhelms me, I was pulling late nights every night to work on orders for my business, and I haven't been as strict about my healthy eating habits. It was a simple equation: lack of sleep + non-healthy eating + stress = flare. It started on December 9th, peaked for a couple days and slowly got better, just in time to hit the full moon. Not all full moons bother me, but this one did - so I had a dose of anxiety, heart stuff, and insomnia. I'm so, so thankful that I felt great for Christmas, and so far today seem to be doing better as well. I remember feeling awful last Christmas, so I went back and read my blog entry from two days after Christmas. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- December 27, 2017 Tonight I had one of those bouts of crying because I'm just so sick of being sick. This has been a long stretch of feeling ...

Some of the amazing people I've met in the Lyme community It's November, and I'm taking time to be thankful for how far I've come. I look at the above photos and I can see just how sick I was. I remember last year, saying how whenever I saw photos of myself it was like the light was gone from my eyes. It's almost like I was a dead woman walking...that's exactly how I felt the entire time I was sick. It's a dark, lonely place. And now...I'm making rapid progress with my herbalist, who is hoping to get me from 80% to 90% better this month. I've lost almost 30 lbs and I'm no longer in pain every day. I've met some amazing people who also have Lyme, lifelong friends, whose value can never be measured. I'm growing my business. And I'm still working my butt off on getting to remission.  It's been a long, hard journey, and it's not over yet, but I finally feel like I have the upper hand. Some details on wh...

Carolina Beach It's been a while since I've updated. August was a busy month. We went on vacation to Carolina Beach, then came home and went to 3 rock concerts within one week. Just prior to leaving on vacation, I started noticing symptoms ramping up. My face began breaking out badly and I had a lot of shortness of breath. By the time we went to the concerts, I had full-out anxiety, increased heart rate, insomnia, and was losing about a pound a day. I finally made the connection that my thyroid was over-medicated and I had gone full hyperthyroid. It took a few days but I began to feel better, although it took weeks for my body to fully adjust. I'm now at 1/2 pill daily of naturethroid, and will re-test in a couple of weeks. I see this as a good sign - my hypothyroidism seems to be slowly going into remission. It's now been 3.5 months since I quit antibiotics. A few weeks ago I had my first follow-up with my herbalist. We went over symptoms and she made some adju...

I've had a few people ask me about intermittent fasting (IF), so I thought I'd make an informative post on the benefits, and my own experience. I actually was extremely skeptical going into it.  I read all these articles claiming that IF changes your hunger patterns, corrects insulin resistance and hormone issues, reduces inflammation, burns fat, and is good for your metabolism. All this, without losing muscle mass or crashing my adrenals? It sounded too good to be true. Since I began dealing with Lyme, I've been struggling with high levels of inflammation and weight gain. I would count calories, I had cut out gluten, dairy & sugar, I exercised, and I would lose NOTHING. It was absolutely infuriating. It's important to me that my body be as healthy as it can possibly be; a healthy body means a healthy immune system to fight Lyme.  According to this article (and many other well-documented articles) intermittent fasting: Changes the function of cells, genes and...

Me on the top of Snake Mountain  We just came home last night from our long weekend in Vermont. We stayed in an old 1800's farmhouse (that had a to-die-for wraparound porch that I instantly fell in love with) and hiked Snake Mountain, went swimming in Lake Champlain, went to the Ben & Jerry's factory, had cider and donuts at Cold Hollow cider mill, cheese at the Cabot cheese store. I was definitely sore from the hike and dealing with air hunger/shortness of breath but overall it went really well. Monday morning, Justin and I had our consultations with our new herbalist, Emily French of Sweetgrass Herbals. I absolutely adore her. She is so kind and patient. She herself had Lyme disease, and she is so knowledgable about the human body and the best herbs to treat different issues. We went through each body system and talked about any issues I has having with that particular system. She determined that my liver needs support and strengthening - no surprise there! She twe...

It's been almost four weeks since I stopped the antibiotics. I'm thankful that I've stuck it out as my body adjusts to being off of them. My stomach seems to be back to normal, thanks to the two different probiotics I've continued and the l-glutamine capsules I've been taking. This is a huge relief, because I know a healthy gut is essential for a strong immune system. I've even been able to tolerate drinking coffee again without issue. One week until our appointments with the herbalist. In the meantime, I'm still taking some herbs (pictured above). I'm working up to two scoops a day. Currently I'm at 1 scoop in the morning and 1/2 tsp in the afternoon. I actually skipped a day because I was definitely having a herxheimer reaction. Herbs are definitely effective and a lot stronger than people assume. I think it's amazing to think that the earth has provided so much for what can cure us. The paleo diet and intermittent fasting is going well....

Going off antibiotics has been a little rough. My stomach has been a mess, and some of my symptoms came creeping back. I'll be honest, I was panicked. It's always a guessing game with this disease, you don't know what treatment will work for you until you try it. I felt at peace with being off antibiotics, but I was second-guessing that choice. Luckily, things seem to be evening out a bit. I started taking l-glutamine between meals and I've definitely noticed a huge difference. (l-glutamine repairs the lining in your gut) I've been taking Samsara Herbs tick recovery formula for the last week, ramping up dosage fairly quickly in an effort to replace what the antibiotics were doing. I think I'll just need a bit more of an adjustment time, so I'm staying patient. I'm not so patient about my weight, though. It's been two years since I've been able to sustain any amount of weight loss, which is very abnormal for me. I know how to lose weight, I...

As of June 16th, I've been treating for one year. I always said I would give antibiotics a year, or as long as I could tolerate them. Last week, I had to make a decision. My body was telling me it's done with the antibiotics, so I took a couple days off while I thought about what to do. On one hand, I've been finally starting to see progress; on the other, if I continue, it's very possible that it could do more harm than help. In the end, I decided I will never again push my body to go through something it can't tolerate. It is a little bit scary to go off them, but I feel tremendous peace about it. So what's next? Justin and I have consultations scheduled with an herbalist many of my Lyme friends having been telling me about. He cannot tolerate the antibiotics, and I want to move on from them. She's located in Vermont, so we decided to take our whole family on a long weekend there, and on that Monday morning we'll go meet with the herbalist. I...

I can't believe it's almost been a year of treatment. My symptoms continue to slowly improve, with a few flares here and there. I'm beyond grateful, though still being cautious my optimism. This has been such a difficult year, and I know it doesn't take much for me to get thrown backward. What's funny is through all of this, a new problem has arisen: restlessness. It's like chronic Lyme awakened me to a desire to live life to the fullest. Maybe part of it is because I've seen many in the Lyme community pass away, but I've become hyper-aware of how fleeting life is. I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of dying before I've been able to do the things I want to do. I married my husband straight out of high school. When I was 20 we had our first child, and I spent the rest of my 20's birthing and raising three more kids. I love being a mother, and I love being married to my husband. I wouldn't change a thing, but the path I've chosen...

Tonight I drove home from Pound class, feeling a bit discouraged. I thought my body was finally getting stronger, but the last two classes have been very hard to get through. Simple moves make my muscles burn intensely, when I used to be able to do the whole class without issue. It's hard not to feel frustrated with myself. I know it's not my fault, but sometimes I think knowing there's nothing I can do makes it worse. While I was thinking about all of this, "Unwell" by Matchbox 20 came on the radio. Rob Thomas wrote the song, in part, for his wife, Marisol, who struggles with chronic neurological Lyme disease. I've heard the sound hundreds, if not thousands of times over the years, but after being diagnosed and knowing the story behind the song, it has taken on such a deep meaning, and makes me very emotional. I've made major strides. For a few months now, I haven't been living with daily pain. The anxiety and depression has receded. I'm still...

Can you tell I've been feeling better? I update less whenever I'm feeling better, because I don't take good days for granted. It's now been 10 months since I started treatment, and I'm starting to feel human again. I know it may not last, but I'm staying positive. I just had a re-test for my thyroid, and my doctor said I need to lower my thyroid meds. This is great news, because it means my thyroid is working a bit better. I have also managed to keep off some weight, and the change is noticeable in my stomach. I'm able to wear jeans I haven't been able to fit in for at least a year, so I've lost a couple inches. It might as well be 20 lbs, because I haven't been able to lose weight in close to two years, so it feels like a huge accomplishment. For the last few months, I've been going to Pound once a week, but for the last 3 weeks, I've been managing twice a week. Last week, I realized for the first time in over a year, I'm finally...

I missed the 9 month update (March 16th) and I'm close to 10 months, so I decided to do a combined update. Symptoms that have improved: Depression and anxiety  Pins & needles sensations Throat issues & reflux Swollen lymph nodes Exercise intolerance  Joint pain Headaches Forgetfulness Muscle weakness Foot pain Fatigue Symptoms that have worsened/relapsed/continued: Air hunger was bad for a few days following the most recent full moon Insomnia continues  Stiffness in fingers continues, especially in the morning Comments: I've been able to keep off some weight for the first time in a few years. There is a noticeable difference in my stomach - jeans that weren't fitting before are fitting again. It's slow going, but I believe the weight is beginning to come off. I've been able to exercise twice a week for the last two weeks, which has been extremely encouraging, and I hope it keeps up. I'm not feeling like complete garbage every...

I like to call my health issues a Lyme puzzle. It's rarely "just" Lyme disease. Lyme is just a piece of the puzzle. It may be a very big piece, but it's not the only piece. No one gets sick with chronic Lyme overnight. It may seem like it. You may wake up one day sick as a dog, and life isn't ever the same again. But the beginnings of it started weeks, months, or likely years before. Our immune systems are extremely advanced. (I'm not going to get into the science of it, but pull up YouTube and look up how the immune system works. It's absolutely fascinating!) There's rarely one thing that overwhelms the immune system; usually, it's several things, a chain reaction of sorts. Our immune systems can become so overwhelmed that they can no longer fight. Many people with chronic Lyme have such impaired immune systems that they do not ever get sick, because their bodies can't fight viruses or bacterial infections. Chronic illness is often desc...

I've been talking a lot about my 2018 goal (focus on my body and my health) and I wanted to talk about some of the lifestyle changes I've made. Since Justin had to cut out sugar for his candida diet, I decided to join him and cut sugar out. Sugar is not only incredibly addictive and inflammatory, it also feeds Lyme bacteria. I still have a small amount occasionally, but daily I no longer cook or bake with sugar, and I use a stevia blend in my tea. I've enjoyed the challenge of learning to bake with sugar-free blends. My kids have also joined the healthy eating movement. We've never been junk eaters, but lots of empty calories for the kids (crackers, snacks, etc.) and not a whole lot of vegetables. I haven't been buying them snack foods, just fresh fruit and veggies, string cheese, yogurt, applesauce and those sorts of things. My goal has been to basically eat as many vegetables as possible and as little sugar as possible. No fancy diet, just eating what my bod...

As of February 16th, I've been treating for 8 full months. Symptoms that have improved: Depression and anxiety  Pins & needles sensations Throat issues & reflux Swollen lymph nodes Exercise tolerance  Symptoms that have worsened/relapsed/continued: Air hunger has come back ever since the super moon a few weeks ago Word recall has gotten slightly worse again  Insomnia continues in cycles More headaches than usual Joint and muscle pain during herxes Comments: The super full moon we had on January 31st really threw my body for a loop. For the few days up to, and the few days following (for a total of one week) I had a headache every single day, plus my typical Babesia symptoms of weakness, air hunger, and hot flashes. This was quickly followed by a major flare of my Lyme & Bartonella symptoms, which had me panicked until I woke up the next day and realized I had a head cold. (It's typical of my symptoms to flare when I'm sick) That luckil...

This last week has been absolutely awful. The super moon was earlier this week, and starting last Saturday I had headaches, weakness, and air hunger every.single.day. I don't know if it's related to the moon, usually the full moons don't affect me unless it's a super moon.  I feel like I'm going backwards. I still feel awful all the time. I rarely miss a day of my meds, I'm detoxing, taking my herbs, eating well. I am doing all the right things, and yet I still feel absolutely terrible. My brain fog came back this week, which is the only symptom that had seemed to go away since starting treatment. I'm literally back where I started...likely worse off than I was when I started treatment nearly 8 months ago.  To say I feel defeated is an understatement.  Every time I think a symptom is finally going away, it resurfaces. Every time I think treatment is working, I come crashing back down. It's like some sick roller coaster from hell, and frankly, ...

I am a very verbal person. Words are how I express my emotions and also how I process things. In my head, everything just jumbles together, but once I am with someone I trust who is willing to listen, I am able to verbally express and process what's going on inside. Sometimes I hate this about myself. To be honest, I still struggle with a lot of things I don't like about myself, but I'm slowly learning how to see the differences in who I am as gifts, rather than curses. Even though I am verbal, I have begun to hold back a lot. When people ask, "how are you?" I recognize that they really don't want to know how God-awful I've been feeling lately, how its a struggle to get out of bed and my kids tell me I'm no fun because I never feel good anymore. It's a formality. I never want to make it "all about me." I recognize that things could be worse. But that doesn't mean that they don't suck right now. Since my diagnosis nearly 8 mont...

I have been treating for 28 weeks: 28 weeks with Ceftin 26 weeks with rifampin 22 weeks with tinidazole 1 month with teasel root 2 weeks with Samsara Herbs Lyme Mix Symptoms that have improved: Joint pain. headaches and foot pain are only happening when I herx Very little brain fog and memory issues  Very little bloating, stomach issues haven't been as bad I did not have ovulation pain again. I did have some bloating a couple days after, but nothing like I was getting before Air hunger and other Babesia symptoms have improved Symptoms that have worsened/relapsed/continued:  Herx reactions were numerous this month (headaches, joint pain, etc) My acne kicked back up More weight gain, even though I haven't changed anything I had a lot of PVC's (skipped beats) which is discouraging. It was made worse when I tried a new magnesium supplement Anxiety increase again Comments: I flared and herxed pretty much all month. I felt terrible on Christmas. I...