The summer has been flying by, and I've been out living my life. I'm not to remission yet, but I'm very close.
I'm still dealing with some intermittent symptoms: air hunger, hip and knee pain, shoulder and jaw tightness. I also occasionally experience rib soreness and some slight joint pain in my fingers. I have days and weeks where I do not have any symptoms at all. The air hunger is slowly phasing out I've noticed. I'll have it for 4 or 5 days, then a week or two without it, which is wonderful because I really hate that symptom. Gasping for breath constantly isn't fun.
Right now, I'm feeling stuck. I started my new herbs last week and have again been dealing with the shoulder pain & tightness that extends up into my jaw. I've been seeing the chiropractor and felt that we were solving this issue, but now that it's returned I'm started to wonder why I'm stuck at this point. I first experienced these symptoms in January, when my herbalist first added houttuynia to my tinctures, and I've had it on and off ever since then. I'm assuming it's herxing, there must be a lot of bacteria in those areas as they're drawn to inflammation (I carry most of my stress in my shoulders, and I have TMJ in my jaw, so both areas likely have existing inflammation) The pain isn't excruciating, but it's constant. And nothing I do seems to help. The hot tub does help somewhat, but I have to be nearly fully submerged to get any relief, and frankly the weather has been too hot for me to handle being in 105 degree water for long. I'm going back to detoxing like it's my job, hoping for some lasting relief.
I've been working hard on other areas of healing, especially emotionally. I am well aware that our emotional and mental health is directly connected to our physical health. This is the piece that I think so many people miss when they are working to heal from physical illness. We mistakingly believe physical illness is only external, but what we have going on inside our minds and hearts is just as important. I'm at the point where I am wondering if these last symptoms are partially due to unhealed emotional wounds, so I'm continuing to dig in.
Besides the few remaining intermittent symptoms, I am feeling very content with life. I feel for the first time I know who I am, and fully embrace it. I no longer feel weighed down by others' expectations, and I no longer have to create personas in order to be accepted. I don't need anyone's approval anymore. It feels like I had been locked inside a cage in the dark for decades, and I just found the key and freed myself. Free. That perfectly describes how I feel.
Of course, that doesn't mean my work is done. I think working through my emotional issues will be work that continues throughout my entire life. Identifying toxic behaviors & coping strategies, figuring out where they originated from, and working to fix them isn't something that's done in weeks, months, or even years. But each time I make progress, I can see it permeate my entire life.
I had hoped to reach remission this year, and unfortunately it looks like that will not happen. But I've achieved so much growth and healing this year, that I am still full of gratitude.
I'm still dealing with some intermittent symptoms: air hunger, hip and knee pain, shoulder and jaw tightness. I also occasionally experience rib soreness and some slight joint pain in my fingers. I have days and weeks where I do not have any symptoms at all. The air hunger is slowly phasing out I've noticed. I'll have it for 4 or 5 days, then a week or two without it, which is wonderful because I really hate that symptom. Gasping for breath constantly isn't fun.
Right now, I'm feeling stuck. I started my new herbs last week and have again been dealing with the shoulder pain & tightness that extends up into my jaw. I've been seeing the chiropractor and felt that we were solving this issue, but now that it's returned I'm started to wonder why I'm stuck at this point. I first experienced these symptoms in January, when my herbalist first added houttuynia to my tinctures, and I've had it on and off ever since then. I'm assuming it's herxing, there must be a lot of bacteria in those areas as they're drawn to inflammation (I carry most of my stress in my shoulders, and I have TMJ in my jaw, so both areas likely have existing inflammation) The pain isn't excruciating, but it's constant. And nothing I do seems to help. The hot tub does help somewhat, but I have to be nearly fully submerged to get any relief, and frankly the weather has been too hot for me to handle being in 105 degree water for long. I'm going back to detoxing like it's my job, hoping for some lasting relief.
I've been working hard on other areas of healing, especially emotionally. I am well aware that our emotional and mental health is directly connected to our physical health. This is the piece that I think so many people miss when they are working to heal from physical illness. We mistakingly believe physical illness is only external, but what we have going on inside our minds and hearts is just as important. I'm at the point where I am wondering if these last symptoms are partially due to unhealed emotional wounds, so I'm continuing to dig in.
Besides the few remaining intermittent symptoms, I am feeling very content with life. I feel for the first time I know who I am, and fully embrace it. I no longer feel weighed down by others' expectations, and I no longer have to create personas in order to be accepted. I don't need anyone's approval anymore. It feels like I had been locked inside a cage in the dark for decades, and I just found the key and freed myself. Free. That perfectly describes how I feel.
Of course, that doesn't mean my work is done. I think working through my emotional issues will be work that continues throughout my entire life. Identifying toxic behaviors & coping strategies, figuring out where they originated from, and working to fix them isn't something that's done in weeks, months, or even years. But each time I make progress, I can see it permeate my entire life.
I had hoped to reach remission this year, and unfortunately it looks like that will not happen. But I've achieved so much growth and healing this year, that I am still full of gratitude.
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