I can't believe it's almost been a year of treatment. My symptoms continue to slowly improve, with a few flares here and there. I'm beyond grateful, though still being cautious my optimism. This has been such a difficult year, and I know it doesn't take much for me to get thrown backward.
What's funny is through all of this, a new problem has arisen: restlessness. It's like chronic Lyme awakened me to a desire to live life to the fullest. Maybe part of it is because I've seen many in the Lyme community pass away, but I've become hyper-aware of how fleeting life is. I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of dying before I've been able to do the things I want to do. I married my husband straight out of high school. When I was 20 we had our first child, and I spent the rest of my 20's birthing and raising three more kids. I love being a mother, and I love being married to my husband. I wouldn't change a thing, but the path I've chosen has never really left room for me to pursue my biggest dream - traveling.
I've loved traveling as long as I can remember. I remember plan rides to North Carolina and Florida, and car trips to New Hampshire, New York, and Washington DC. I loved the excitement of getting up early to go somewhere new and different. I loved staying in hotels. I loved all of it. And I always dreamed of traveling all over the world someday. That became my mantra as I got older - "someday." It's always been someday - but never today. At this point, the yearning is so intense it makes me crazy to have to say that word again. Last year, our whole family got passports and we decided to travel to the country closest to us - Canada. Quebec was awesome, and being somewhere where French is the spoken language was such a cool experience. I feel like that trip lit a fuse, because all it's done is made me want to do more exploring. Unfortunately, one look at our bank account and I'm back to uttering that word - "someday."
Obviously, I'm in a rediscovery phase. Since the birth of our last baby, I've been pursuing more things that speak to the core of who I am. Even something as simple as going to the gym more regularly, as long as it's something for ME. I've spent so long being selfless, that my 30's have lit a desire in me to start rediscovering who I am. Because who I was when I turned 20 is so far removed from who I am now.
Anyway, for now, I'm working on a bucket list, and praying I get to cross off each and every item.
What's funny is through all of this, a new problem has arisen: restlessness. It's like chronic Lyme awakened me to a desire to live life to the fullest. Maybe part of it is because I've seen many in the Lyme community pass away, but I've become hyper-aware of how fleeting life is. I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of dying before I've been able to do the things I want to do. I married my husband straight out of high school. When I was 20 we had our first child, and I spent the rest of my 20's birthing and raising three more kids. I love being a mother, and I love being married to my husband. I wouldn't change a thing, but the path I've chosen has never really left room for me to pursue my biggest dream - traveling.
I've loved traveling as long as I can remember. I remember plan rides to North Carolina and Florida, and car trips to New Hampshire, New York, and Washington DC. I loved the excitement of getting up early to go somewhere new and different. I loved staying in hotels. I loved all of it. And I always dreamed of traveling all over the world someday. That became my mantra as I got older - "someday." It's always been someday - but never today. At this point, the yearning is so intense it makes me crazy to have to say that word again. Last year, our whole family got passports and we decided to travel to the country closest to us - Canada. Quebec was awesome, and being somewhere where French is the spoken language was such a cool experience. I feel like that trip lit a fuse, because all it's done is made me want to do more exploring. Unfortunately, one look at our bank account and I'm back to uttering that word - "someday."
Obviously, I'm in a rediscovery phase. Since the birth of our last baby, I've been pursuing more things that speak to the core of who I am. Even something as simple as going to the gym more regularly, as long as it's something for ME. I've spent so long being selfless, that my 30's have lit a desire in me to start rediscovering who I am. Because who I was when I turned 20 is so far removed from who I am now.
Anyway, for now, I'm working on a bucket list, and praying I get to cross off each and every item.
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