Refuse to sink - My journey battling Lyme disease

Today both Justin & I had an appointment with my LLMD. Her office is about 1 1/2 hours away, but sometimes there's traffic so we left 2 hours before my scheduled appointment. Since, we didn't have a babysitter, we brought all 4 of the kids with us. This was the first time seeing my doctor since May 4th, when I had the IGeneX testing done, so today was my first appointment since my diagnosis. She decided to keep my antibiotic protocol the same, since I am finally seeing results. She agreed that teasel root is good to be taking, and adding in the Samara Herbs Lyme mix is a good idea too. She told me the next time I have that problem where it feels like my throat is swelling, let her know and she'll order a thyroid ultrasound at a local hospital to check and see if it is, in fact, my thyroid. Justin's appointment was a bit stressful for him. They decided he should have IGeneX testing done, which was $1800. We DO NOT have that money, we're praying insurance will...

It's been a few weeks since I have sat down to write. I've actually been feeling better. It's like coming out of a coma, after those 3 horrendous weeks of pain, anxiety & depression to where I am now. I feel normal now, back to being the grateful, positive person I know I am. When I was down, life was dark. I couldn't even find the joy in the things I normally enjoy doing. I felt like life was a monotone grey. It's the hardest thing to explain, unless you've experienced it yourself. Yesterday, we took the kids to the apple orchard to pick apples and get pumpkins. Then we carved out pumpkins outside - it was over 70 degrees! - and enjoyed a leisurely afternoon together. It was much-needed. We originally were going to go to New Hampshire for the weekend, but I'm glad we didn't. We also had invitations to a few gatherings, but I knew mentally I couldn't do it. Sometimes we just need time to recharge as a family. I've been taking teasel ro...

I read something today, and I've been going over it in my head all day. It was an article titled "Grieve your losses from Lyme, and then persevere." (You can read it here ) The article itself was great, the woman who wrote it is, of course, a fellow Lyme warrior. With this disease (or any disease, I imagine) it feels like a treasure when you find someone you know understands what you're going through. Whether in real life, online or through the written word.  Anyway, the part of the article that I've been mulling over is this:  "Only recently have I been able to actually grieve the losses I have suffered. The intensity of the loss of my former life sometimes feels really hard to bear. I had to leave it behind without saying goodbye, instead looking at myself like a research project. Eventually, I had to face the fact that the life I used to have was simply not coming back." I read that and instantly became angry.  No. No!  I thought to myself.  I ...

I have been in treatment for 16 weeks: 16 weeks with Ceftin 14 weeks with Rifampin 10 weeks with Tinidazole   Symptoms that have improved: Joint pain hasn't been as often and persistent as it used to be, but it's still a there, sometimes daily. Insomnia, I continue to get less nights of no sleep, although they're still happening. Pins & needles continues to happen less. It used to be every time I sat down, I 'd get it in my feet, but now maybe once daily, or even just a few times a week. Twitching still continues but less than before.  Headaches continue to occur less. Exercise tolerance continues to be about the same as last month, still consider it an improvement. Bartonella foot pain is becoming less intense Symptoms that have worsened/relapsed/continued:  Throat sensations still happening, and I have yet to find a cause.  GI problems continue, but haven't worsened since last month. Emotional symptoms hit a new high last week. I wa...

Sometimes I wonder how much worse it'll get before I start to get better. Actually, that's a lie; I don't wonder that sometimes, I wonder that daily. Emotional symptoms have been hitting hard. Yesterday was one of the worst days for it that I've ever had. I was either anxious and crying, or feeling like a zombie - emotionless with no motivation whatsoever. My husband, what a patient man. He sat with me while I cried, let me talk it all out, and he just listened. Afterward, he made dinner so I could get out of the house. On the way home, I broke out in sobs for absolutely no reason. My anxiety and panic has been bad, I constantly feel like I'm in flight mode, with a pit in my stomach that doesn't seem to leave no matter what I do. Gasping for air all day (air hunger, babesia symptom) sure as hell doesn't help. I feel like a mess. I feel overwhelmed. Can feeling like this be a part of healing? I wish I knew.